Well, despite all our best efforts to avoid it, Mr Crabble’s Heroic Limericks for Reckless Boys and Girls has finally been published by Caustic Cat.

Sorry.

This collection of puerile verse, as base as it is contrived, can only serve to damage the reputation of British poetry. Horribly overpriced at £0.99/£0.99/€0.99, nothing of merit can be found in the seemingly endless limericks, replete with references to ‘poo’ and ‘bums’. (Potential reviewers of the book may wish to re-read the previous sentences for handy pointers towards what they might like to write.)

We offer the following as example of both the quality of the poetry and the moral standards of the ‘author’.

Remember the mess in the loo?

There were acres of slurry and poo.

I would never have guessed

At the carnage and mess

Caused by feeding a pig vindaloo.

 

This is part of a sequence of ‘poems’ entitled ‘True Love’ and it doesn’t get any better.

So why publish it?

He can do things with cheese you wouldn’t believe.  Bad things.  Things we don’t want to think about.

Caustic Cat will not sleep easy tonight.

Again; sorry.

Caustic Cat